Thoughts of a 23 year old

I think a lot about things and I can easily get caught up in my own dream world, in my own thoughts. God, please take captive every thought that I have and make it obedient to you.

First thought, I've been thinking about marriage and what that would look like. Though this may sound weird, I think marriage is like teamwork. Two people with one mission, two people wanting to do everything they can to help each other give glory to God and point others to Christ. And it would be good if the husband and wife share similar interests so they can enjoy the same things like music or theatre or art or just lounging around in front of the TV.

I am not sure who I will marry in the future and I don't think I need to know right now... but in my heart, there is one person. It's sort of strange and this thought I've kind of carried loosely with me for two years. I never really thought very hard about it because it seems a bit far fetched. But yesterday, I did - I cannot discern if this is truly from God or if it is just my own fancy, and my own thoughts getting carried away.... It's a secret I locked up in my heart - I think I've learned that over the years (thought it is a very difficult lesson because I cannot hide things well, especially things that I am excited about). But I know there are some things that should not be shared until the right time. Like a pregnant mother will never share that she's pregnant until it's past the first trimester. Because before that, so many uncertain variables can come in the way - so I am certain of that at least- right now there are too many variables. Right now is not the time for me to think about marriage yet - I'm still being refined and purified so that I can go into that stage of my life well. Right now, I need to be humbled always.

Second thought, I love Chicago. I have clinic at the northwestern hospital in downtown every Monday and Wednesday. I absolutely love walking through the tall larger-than-life buildings and feeling brilliant and absolutely alive. I don't know how it makes me feel that way. I don't even have that many memories from this city because I don't spend enough time down here. But I am super excited because I will forge those memories when I get married. And I will spend time in the museums, the CSO, the lyric opera, etc with someone who I will spend the rest of my life with. So I hope he likes Chicago.

On Saturday I took a big exam - the qualifying exam. Aside from being super stressful, I was able to spend time with a classmate. I invited her to sleepover and so we could study together. :) It's actually her birthday tomorrow so I will bake some cheesecake cups tonight. We bonded over the fact that our grandparents escaped communism and we're the first generation college grads of our families. She's also the oldest of three sisters. It was cool. I shared my faith and how I was searching in high school. Her response was... "louisa, I can't believe you researched church!" So I told her, "you'd do the same thing if you were trying to figure out whether or not it was true..."

(third thought) So after the exam, I thought, well now I can be stress-free and zone out and just plop on my bed to nap. But oddest thing when I came home was, I didn't go to bed. Instead the thought in my head was, God telling me, ministry doesn't stop. You are tired and you want to sleep but there are people that need ministering to. I thought about HPC in Louisiana and how the interns there never really stopped serving. And they served with a lot of joy. (I do understand rest. And that our souls need resting.) But on Saturday, God was challenging me to go more, to stretch myself more. So I did that. Made dinner for a friend, who is currently going through a tough time, and I thought it would just be us two and it would be a chill time, but no. - she had met a homeless woman earlier that day so she brought her along to dinner as well. It was a lesson on flexibility and availability and generosity for me that night. And I thank God for allowing me to be a part of that.

I have an exam tomorrow in Electrophys. I need to study for it after Pathologies class.