Last summer on missions, we had a night when we went onto the rocks by the lake fill. I remember it was night time, so the sky was dark, Chicago in the distance was a mush of small lights, and the waves were crashing against the rocks. I laid down on one of the rocks. I listened and stared at the stars... some I had to squint to see because light pollution is pretty bad. As I laid there, the line that kept coming to my head was --- come away with me tonight from the song by norah jones - which was weird. God serenaded me that night?
anyhoo, right now, that song is stuck in my head.
come away with me tonight...
come away with me
and we'll kiss on a mountaintop
come away with me
and i'll never stop loving you
--
A couple of weeks ago, I watched the movie Enchanted (again) This time, I actually really liked it. It was a very stressful week -- I watched that movie TWICE within that week! and it literally brought joy to my heart. Maybe there is that hope in every one of us that -- that kind of innocence and naivete can still exist -- that not everything has to be seen through cynical eyes. My favorite part is when Nancy walks into the house and finds Giselle in a bath towel on top of Robert in his apt. She is furious and walks out. Afterwards Robert is angry and his conversation with Giselle goes like this --
Robert: You have created a completely unnecessary problem with Nancy that I now have to resolve. See the fact is I was just getting ready to take a very serious step forward.... A proposal, actually.
Giselle: (very happy) Oh!
Robert: Well, now she's got it in her mind that you and I...
Giselle: (gasped and exclaims bewildered) KISSED?!
Robert: (not knowing how to respond) uhhh.... yeah, something like that.
Giselle: (deeply sorry and sad) Oh no... (thinks a bit and says excitedly) You should sing to her!
Robert: Sing to her?
Giselle: And maybe that would reassure her of your affections! You need to rush to her side and hold her in your arms and then pour your heart out in a beautiful ballad. And then she'll know for sure.
=) I think true love is always like a fairy tale.
And we desire true love like that... but it is only the heart aches and the break ups and the pains that kill our hopes. and the more we live in the "real world" we begin to harden our hearts... and suddenly fairy tales are just that... fairy tales... they don't exist... when truly, deep down, we wish they did.
well, I do.
--
I remember in G.K. Chesterton's book, Orthodoxy, he mentions something about fairy tales and how fairy tales always intrigue us, humans. I must go and re-read it.
Cinderella - is my favorite since childhood. And I truly think, it has played such a huge part in my childhood that it has shaped me into who I am today.
Beauty and the Beast - is my second favorite, very very close second to Cinderella. This one too, has shaped me.
--
My mom also just told me that when I was young (when we lived in NY), there was one time when my dad was making milk for Chrissy to drink but he was mixing in water with the milk (to dilute it and "save" the milk -- even though we got the milk on food stamps because we qualified for welfare)... so when I was standing in the kitchen and saw that I said to him, "dad, don't mix water with the milk, if you do chrissy won't like it and she won't drink it". And to that, he slapped me, and my mom said I had a bruised face for a while, and he barely missed my eye.
=\ I do not remember... but I also suppress bad memories.
I'm sure that has shaped me too.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Battle
Need to keep fighting.
Don't let my love grow cold
I'm calling out, light the fire againDon't let my vision die
I'm calling out, light the fire again
I am here to buy gold
refined in the fire
Naked and poor
Wretched and blind I come
Clothe me in white
So I won't be ashamed
Lord, light the fire again
Monday, May 10, 2010
Thoughts of a 23 year old
I think a lot about things and I can easily get caught up in my own dream world, in my own thoughts. God, please take captive every thought that I have and make it obedient to you.
First thought, I've been thinking about marriage and what that would look like. Though this may sound weird, I think marriage is like teamwork. Two people with one mission, two people wanting to do everything they can to help each other give glory to God and point others to Christ. And it would be good if the husband and wife share similar interests so they can enjoy the same things like music or theatre or art or just lounging around in front of the TV.
I am not sure who I will marry in the future and I don't think I need to know right now... but in my heart, there is one person. It's sort of strange and this thought I've kind of carried loosely with me for two years. I never really thought very hard about it because it seems a bit far fetched. But yesterday, I did - I cannot discern if this is truly from God or if it is just my own fancy, and my own thoughts getting carried away.... It's a secret I locked up in my heart - I think I've learned that over the years (thought it is a very difficult lesson because I cannot hide things well, especially things that I am excited about). But I know there are some things that should not be shared until the right time. Like a pregnant mother will never share that she's pregnant until it's past the first trimester. Because before that, so many uncertain variables can come in the way - so I am certain of that at least- right now there are too many variables. Right now is not the time for me to think about marriage yet - I'm still being refined and purified so that I can go into that stage of my life well. Right now, I need to be humbled always.
Second thought, I love Chicago. I have clinic at the northwestern hospital in downtown every Monday and Wednesday. I absolutely love walking through the tall larger-than-life buildings and feeling brilliant and absolutely alive. I don't know how it makes me feel that way. I don't even have that many memories from this city because I don't spend enough time down here. But I am super excited because I will forge those memories when I get married. And I will spend time in the museums, the CSO, the lyric opera, etc with someone who I will spend the rest of my life with. So I hope he likes Chicago.
On Saturday I took a big exam - the qualifying exam. Aside from being super stressful, I was able to spend time with a classmate. I invited her to sleepover and so we could study together. :) It's actually her birthday tomorrow so I will bake some cheesecake cups tonight. We bonded over the fact that our grandparents escaped communism and we're the first generation college grads of our families. She's also the oldest of three sisters. It was cool. I shared my faith and how I was searching in high school. Her response was... "louisa, I can't believe you researched church!" So I told her, "you'd do the same thing if you were trying to figure out whether or not it was true..."
(third thought) So after the exam, I thought, well now I can be stress-free and zone out and just plop on my bed to nap. But oddest thing when I came home was, I didn't go to bed. Instead the thought in my head was, God telling me, ministry doesn't stop. You are tired and you want to sleep but there are people that need ministering to. I thought about HPC in Louisiana and how the interns there never really stopped serving. And they served with a lot of joy. (I do understand rest. And that our souls need resting.) But on Saturday, God was challenging me to go more, to stretch myself more. So I did that. Made dinner for a friend, who is currently going through a tough time, and I thought it would just be us two and it would be a chill time, but no. - she had met a homeless woman earlier that day so she brought her along to dinner as well. It was a lesson on flexibility and availability and generosity for me that night. And I thank God for allowing me to be a part of that.
I have an exam tomorrow in Electrophys. I need to study for it after Pathologies class.
First thought, I've been thinking about marriage and what that would look like. Though this may sound weird, I think marriage is like teamwork. Two people with one mission, two people wanting to do everything they can to help each other give glory to God and point others to Christ. And it would be good if the husband and wife share similar interests so they can enjoy the same things like music or theatre or art or just lounging around in front of the TV.
I am not sure who I will marry in the future and I don't think I need to know right now... but in my heart, there is one person. It's sort of strange and this thought I've kind of carried loosely with me for two years. I never really thought very hard about it because it seems a bit far fetched. But yesterday, I did - I cannot discern if this is truly from God or if it is just my own fancy, and my own thoughts getting carried away.... It's a secret I locked up in my heart - I think I've learned that over the years (thought it is a very difficult lesson because I cannot hide things well, especially things that I am excited about). But I know there are some things that should not be shared until the right time. Like a pregnant mother will never share that she's pregnant until it's past the first trimester. Because before that, so many uncertain variables can come in the way - so I am certain of that at least- right now there are too many variables. Right now is not the time for me to think about marriage yet - I'm still being refined and purified so that I can go into that stage of my life well. Right now, I need to be humbled always.
Second thought, I love Chicago. I have clinic at the northwestern hospital in downtown every Monday and Wednesday. I absolutely love walking through the tall larger-than-life buildings and feeling brilliant and absolutely alive. I don't know how it makes me feel that way. I don't even have that many memories from this city because I don't spend enough time down here. But I am super excited because I will forge those memories when I get married. And I will spend time in the museums, the CSO, the lyric opera, etc with someone who I will spend the rest of my life with. So I hope he likes Chicago.
On Saturday I took a big exam - the qualifying exam. Aside from being super stressful, I was able to spend time with a classmate. I invited her to sleepover and so we could study together. :) It's actually her birthday tomorrow so I will bake some cheesecake cups tonight. We bonded over the fact that our grandparents escaped communism and we're the first generation college grads of our families. She's also the oldest of three sisters. It was cool. I shared my faith and how I was searching in high school. Her response was... "louisa, I can't believe you researched church!" So I told her, "you'd do the same thing if you were trying to figure out whether or not it was true..."
(third thought) So after the exam, I thought, well now I can be stress-free and zone out and just plop on my bed to nap. But oddest thing when I came home was, I didn't go to bed. Instead the thought in my head was, God telling me, ministry doesn't stop. You are tired and you want to sleep but there are people that need ministering to. I thought about HPC in Louisiana and how the interns there never really stopped serving. And they served with a lot of joy. (I do understand rest. And that our souls need resting.) But on Saturday, God was challenging me to go more, to stretch myself more. So I did that. Made dinner for a friend, who is currently going through a tough time, and I thought it would just be us two and it would be a chill time, but no. - she had met a homeless woman earlier that day so she brought her along to dinner as well. It was a lesson on flexibility and availability and generosity for me that night. And I thank God for allowing me to be a part of that.
I have an exam tomorrow in Electrophys. I need to study for it after Pathologies class.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Learning Mode
In studying for the qualifying exams, I have a newfound joy in learning. And I love learning about audiology :)
Thanks God for this motivation!!
Thanks God for this motivation!!
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