A note into the future

that I love Joshua Radin's songs

I loooooove the music, his voice, his compositions

:) I can fall asleep to them

I hope when I'm 50, I'll come upon this entry or something, that'll remind me of him. Then I'll listen to his songs and it'll bring me back to this time, 23, graduate school, spring time, learning about ABRs, writing a chapter summary.

Grieve mourn and wail

As I fasted from everything but fruits and veggies, I realized why people used to wear sack cloth and ashes when they were repenting before God. I wanted to eat meat/bread/cheese so badly but I couldn't. The thought that crossed my mind was - I am deliberately abstaining from satisfying mon gout. And by doing this, I was taking away from myself something that I delighted in. So with this fast, it wasn't so much the hunger that was difficult. (I mean, I was definitely hungry but I was able to eat an apple or a banana). But it was like a dark cloud hung over me every time I thought about eating and how I couldn't eat certain things that I was craving. And in that way, it reminded me of grieving.

When a person grieves and mourns, everything is gray. Nothing has taste or color. And I saw clearly for the first time why God says, "GRIEVE, MOURN and WAIL" (James 4:9) to mean repentance. It is not just feeling bad or saying sorry. But it is literally, spending time in mourning. The grief - as a result of realizing that what I had done has taken the brightness, the joy, and the gout of life away - because it separates me from the light of the world.

My delight is in the Lord. And by taking away some food, I am reminded again, that my delight and joy in life comes seulement from the Lord.

Ezekiel 24:16 - 17
I am understanding this again -

You Bring Restoration

You've taken my pain
called me by a new name
You've taken my shame
and in it's place, You give me joy

You take mourning and turn it into dancing
You take weeping and turn it into laughing
You take mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my sadness and turn it into joy

...You bring restoration to my soul

- David Brymer

This song has brought healing to my soul :)
Yes, God calls me by a new name

Names have been very important to me this past couple of weeks again. Names of God are important.